u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
