I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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