im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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