i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
