Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
a search helicopter?!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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