So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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