I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I want to fling myself into the sun
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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