Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
