make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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