My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sext me about skeletons
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
