god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize