i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
