Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize