The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
