When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
