youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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