i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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