Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
