I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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