And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
