YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize