never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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