he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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