Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Randomize
