i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
