Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm getting married
To pizza
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
