Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
