Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
