I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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