I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
