Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
