I think my fart just growled at me.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
