dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
