So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
