she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
