By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The feeling are messing with the penis
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
