His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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