I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
