OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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