Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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