She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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