Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
