Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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