Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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