why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
