over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
