I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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