you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
