Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
im holly from the hills drunk
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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