Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
