What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
