ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
