Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We named our party play list daddy issues
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize