Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
