Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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