SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
