There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
