Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
