He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think a kid would responsible me up
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
