apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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