i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
