Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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