Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
