You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
