I love black thongs
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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