is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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