Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
