I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
