I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
