what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
