I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize