Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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