We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
