low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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