So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Someone shattered a urinal.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
