I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
