please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
