I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
